Christmas jokes

Christmas pick up lines

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

 

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can ‘ho ho ho’!

 

Why did Santa go to the doctor?

Because of his bad “elf”!

 

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

 

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

 

What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws!

 

Who delivers presents to cats?

Santa Paws!

 

What do you call a dog who works for Santa?

Santa Paws!

 

What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?

Sandy Clause!

 

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues!

 

What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

 

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

 

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

 

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws

 

What says Oh Oh Oh?

Santa walking backwards!

 

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

 

What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?

Idaho-ho-ho!

 

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it ‘soots’ him!

 

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

 

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses!

 

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

 

What did Santa say to the smoker?

Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!

 

Where does Santa go when he’s sick?

To the elf center!

 

What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less!

 

Where do elves go to dance?

Christmas Balls!

 

What do elves eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!

 

What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?

An elfcicle!

 

Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?

Elfis! (Thank you, thank you very much!)

 

What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?

Platforms!

 

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Krisp Kringle!

Jokes about Cristmas and Santa

Christmas in on 25th December. You can feel in the air the holiday spirit and the enthusiasm of the people for the coming of the new year. That’s the time when the Christmas jokes kick in. You remember how hart it actually is to decorate the Christmas tree, its smell, the wonderful Christmas toys, shiny decorations and the lights that are always tangled. It seems that even Santa likes to joke sometimes by getting in the attics and knotting the lights.

A true Christmas miracle is when you succeed to untie the lights after the last holiday. A double miracle would be if all of them will work.

You decorated the Christmas tree and now you have to go shopping. Everybody wants something pretty on Christmas. And there is always someone willing to buy the most amazing things for friends and family. Statistics show that every year the amount of money spent of gifts increases with 20 – 30%. Some spend all of their money on something for their loved one, affording it because of the credit cards offered to them by the banks and that have no limit. With these credit cards you can pay for the Christmas gifts and then say:

Christmas is in my heart for 12 months a year, and because of the credits, it is in my Visa account for 12 months as well.

Regarding Christmas gifts:

I love Christmas gifts. They are amazing and I can’t wait to change them.