Here is a list of new jokes
Little Johnny tells his friends: I think it will be chosen for this position. At the job interview, the guy told me he wanted someone responsible. I am the perfect person. I told her because any problem arose at my last job. They always said I was responsible!
John arrives home late at night, drunk on the cake. He staggers to the bedroom and wakes Maria:
-Woman, wake up! You will never believe that! ”
– What happened?
-I think I have superpowers. I went to the bathroom and guessed it, the light came on, alone. And as I was leaving, the light went out again. I didn’t have to do anything!
-Oh my God, you’ve defecated in the fridge again! ”
-Dad, I got the intelligence from you, didn’t I?”
– Yes, that’s right. But who told you?
– Mother. He said she still had hers
Two prison guards change shifts in the morning: “Do you know that prisoner 885 escaped last night?” The other guard sighs, “Ah, finally. No more knocking on the walls. ”
At the restaurant:
– Boy, could you bring me what that gentleman has there?
– No, sir, I’m pretty sure he intends to eat his steak.
A boy and his father go to the zoo.
– Daddy, I wouldn’t say I like that gorilla looking at me from behind the glass. It’s pretty scary! says the boy.
“Shut up, son. We’re still in front of the ticket office!”
I thought it would be nice to share a burger with this homeless guy that I always see on the way to work. But that stingy man told me to get my share!
The new razor for the feet was so good that my girlfriend’s slippers always slipped.
A blonde enters a pharmacy and asks:
– Do you have glasses?
– For the sun?
– Not for me!
What is the newest and best dry bench?
A student bought an apartment.
Why are women with small breasts considered very hardworking?
Because they can’t sit with their hands on their breasts.
– Children, why do we say the mother tongue and not the mother tongue?
-Because my mother talks the most.
At the physics faculty:
-How do you get light with water?
-Simple: wash the windows!
– Johnny, which river is longer: Prut or Mississippi?
– Bravo, never Johnny! And how long is it?
– With exactly seven letters!
Children are asked at school what they want to become when they grow up. Everyone chooses a doctor, teacher, policeman. But the bubble is definitely: hacker.
– But why, Johnny? the teacher asks.
– Dad said we would have an online catalog soon. And if I was not rewarded, my children will undoubtedly be!
– Listen to George, what kind of controller? The controller looked at you as if you didn’t have a ticket.
– That’s right. But didn’t you see how I stared into his eyes, as if I had?