Marriage jokes

What is the synonym of marriage? Your own prison that you choose to go.

How do you have a great marriage? You don’t get into a marriage…

 

Jokes to tell in marriage

Best think to say in marriage: I love you

What do you say when your husband has cheated you? I am happy to get rid of you!

Can someone live good in a marriage? Yes, depends…

 

wedding jokes

A husband and a wife at beach:

  • My dear John I love this beach
  • Ohhh… me too, mostly night!

If you think that your marriage is a joke, do not read this: You don’t have happiness in your life not because of your partner, but because of you. You don’t love you enough.

 

Woman to her husband, while she was at it: “Please tell me dirty things!”
Man: “Bathroom, Kitchen, Living …”

My son wanted to know what it means to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he ignored me.

 

funny marriage jokes

 

Yesterday I went through an expensive and painful procedure, after my spine and both testicles were removed. However, some of the wedding gifts were fantastic.

My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and closed it
House.

 

Best marriage jokes

My wife and I have been married for a few years, and my wife recently asked me to get some pills to make sure I was back in action in the bedroom.
I brought home the diet pills. It seems that not very much what he meant.

 

What to offer to a man who has everything? A woman. She will tell him how everything works

 

I think as the marriages go, we do absolutely wonderful, meaning I get to sleep with my wife almost every day!
Almost months
It’s almost Tuesday
Almost Wednesday
Almost Thursday…

 

marriage jokes

 

I tried to marry my ex-wife.
But he realized that I was only after my money.

 

Best marriage joke: Don’t exist

A 60-year-old millionaire marries and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment, one of them asks him how he landed such a beauty for 23 years?
“Simple,” grinned the millionaire, “I falsified my age.”
His friends are really amazed and he asks what he said.
“Well,” he replied. “I said I was 87 years old!”

 

Marriage is an institution consisting of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

– Honey, can I go out in this dress?
“Yes dear, it’s already dark.”

 

Funny marriage jokes

When a marriage have troubles, tell to your partner this love jokes

Newborn parents wake up one morning in their honeymoon, and the man suggests, “Honey, why don’t you make us some coffee?”
The wife looks confused: “But this is your task, dear.”

“What? Why?”
“It’s everywhere in the Bible, my dear.”
“The Bible says nothing about who should make coffee!”
The wife picks up a copy and starts browsing the pages at random: “See? Everywhere: Jews, Jews, Jews.”

 

They have been raining for days and my husband seems very depressed about it.
He stands by the window, staring. If he continues, I’ll have to let him in.

 

A little boy looks at his mother at a wedding and says, “Mommy, why is the girl dressed in black?”

 

An elderly couple discussing the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry I let my anger out so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my bad dispositions? ”
“I always go and clean the toilet when this happens.”
– And does that help?
“Yes, because I use the toothbrush.”

 

Honey, do you think I gained weight?
No, I think the living room has become smaller.

 

Jokes about marriage

I got really angry today. I even yelled at her to go to hell. 20 minutes later, he brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

One man noticed that his credit card was stolen – but never reported it. The thief still spent considerably less than his wife. ”

I got lost!
Where are you?
In the car.

 

Mommy, why are all the cars beating their horns?
Because a wedding is taking place.
But isn’t the horn a warning sign, Mommy?
Exactly, son.

 

My husband and I have been very happy for twenty years. Then we met.

“I had it with your stupid comments about my weight. I’m breaking up with you!”
– But, honey, how about our child?
“What child ?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”

 

Adulthood is when the monster is in the bed next to you.

At a medical checkup:
Do you do dangerous sports?
Well, sometimes I talk to my wife.

 

Arguing with your wife is a lot to try and read the Terms of Use on the Internet. In the end, you simply give up “Agree.”

 

Use this marriage jokes in your couple

Wife: My dear boyfriend, what are you doing?

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: Like nothing? Well, for an hour, I’m studying our marriage certificate.

Husband: I’m looking for an expiration date and I can’t find it.

 

Three friends have a beer with their wives and start praising their wives:

First: – My wife is like a dragonfly!

Second: – Mine is like a deer!

The third one stands and thinks and after 5 minutes says:

– I do not know how to describe my wife, but mine is not very human!

 

On a bank two lovers fell in love passionately.

At one point, a gentleman sits next to her, staring at the woman.

Eventually, her partner no longer supports and breaks out:

– How naughty and insensitive! How can you forget how we kiss ?!

– I’m sorry sir, I didn’t want to disturb you, but I have to ask my wife the key to the house.

 

He and she are in the bedroom to consume the wedding night. After a rather long silence she asks:

– What is your real salary?

– 2000 $

She, with a long sigh:

– You don’t excel here either.

 

Dad, is it true that in some countries of Africa, the man only knows his wife after marriage?

– The same thing happens in all countries for my sake. Women change after marriage.