Dad jokes

dad jokes
  1. The phone is ringing.

Lifts the father’s three-sided receiver:

– Are you, my little frog? a man’s voice is heard.

– No. I am the owner of the lake! – says the father.

 

2. Daddy, Dad, how are the kids coming up?

And the father begins to tell:

– One day, a bird came up with a seed and planted it in the garden.

After nine months, my mother picked it up and so you appeared.

In the afternoon, the little girl writes in her diary: ‘Today I talked about

sex with dad. It ‘s dust

 

3. Father to daughter turned late at home:

– My daughter, when I told you to come home like Cinderella, I thought you’d come at 24:00, not that you would come with one shoe and no dress!

 

4. A little girl sees her father out naked rifle from the bathroom and the opposite goes to ask his mother:

– Mommy, tell me when I’m big I’ll have a tail between my legs, like my dad?

“Yes, my daughter,” replies Mother, “if you’re good, you’ll have one of the same. If you are not good, you will have more !!

 

5. Girl:

“Dad … a school boy told me something that I do not understand …. told me that I had a nice windshield, a luggage rack, some hard chassis, excellent shock absorbers …. What this means??”

Father:

“Tell her … to dare to lift your hood to check the oil, I’ll break the exhaust pipe!”

 

6. Mom, you told me, the angels have wings and they can fly, okay?

– Of course, my dear.

– Last night, when you were not, I heard my dad say ‘beautiful Angel’. When is she going to fly?

– Tomorrow morning, honey, tomorrow morning.

 

7. A kid goes into the pharmacy and asks, “Do you have condoms?”

– First of all, the annoyed pharmacist answers, condoms are not for children, and secondly tell your father to come and buy them because they are of different sizes!

To whom the kid replies:

– First of all condoms are not for children, but they are against children, and for the third time I will not tell my father anything because I am for my mother, who goes to the delegation and has no way to know the size yet.

 

8. Father and daughter are in the living room. She in the office, he was watching a football match. At one point, the little daughter talks:

– I fell in love with our neighbor and I’ll run with him.

Father, still looking at the match, replies:

– Very well, you will not see anything from me. I will not have time and money to invest in you, and I will not even let you go home.

The girl turns to him and tells him:

– Dad, I read the letter left by my mom!

 

9. Father and son speak:

Son: Dad! Are all blondes having s_x with everyone?

Father: Yes, my dear, otherwise I did not make you.

 

10. Dad to the son: “You will marry, son, and you will find true happiness!

– Yes?

– Yes, but it will be too late! This is a good dad joke

 

11. His father takes the child to the pharmacy and he stops in front of the condoms shelf.

The child asks his father:

– Dad, what is that?

– Ala is the pack of two.

It’s for high school: Friday and Saturday.

– Yeah, right there?

– Ala is the four pack.

It’s for college: Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

– Yeah?

– Ala is the pack of 12.

It’s because you’re sorry: January, February, March …

 

12. Bill:

– Dad, what does engagement mean?

father:

– Well … (there is a long and concise explanation). You got it?

Bill:

– Not! Better give me an example.

father:

– It’s like I’m gonna take you a Christmas bike and I will not let you ride it up to Easter!

 

13. Father and daughter are on the balcony.

At the corner of the block, an individual appears, unclenching the slot and relieving it.

Little girl, curious:

– Dad, what’s the one in your hand?

Father, tangled:

– A toy!

girl:

– I want a toy like his!

father:

– When you’re bigger, you’ll have one. But you have to be good enough to have one!

Little girl, worried:

– And if I’m not good?

father:

– You’ll have more! The best dad joke :))

 

14. – Dad, you’re called to school.

– Why? What have you been doing?

– Do you remember I asked you to make my composition about how I spent my vacation? Well, the director did not like the moment when I described the moment of striptease!

 

15. A father learns that his daughter is pregnant in the fifth month.

– You’re so stupid, arguing he, where was your head?

“Under the wheel, Dad,” she said.

 

Between parents and children, there will always be a difference in perception, and we can say that even a “war” of generations may appear, as they compete with each other and start to play in various activities, games or competitions.

These family competitions are very motivating, and most of these take place between fathers and boys because they are fighting for a dominant position in the family.

Because the boys are not just joking, we’ve gathered the best jokes and replies of daddy who will either amuse you.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut. A great dad joke!

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

 

Read more dad jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.

Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!

 

I guess you’ve convinced yourself why these are among the most popular jokes online. Every day boys receive shocking  answers and replies from fathers.

Are you looking for a joker with your dad?
Perfect, get ready to laugh! For most of us, when we were young, Dad was there to buy us a candy, a ice cream or a doll. In my case, my dad was so fat that Santa Claus for the whole neighborhood just put a beard on a red suit and left with the bag in his back. All the children were crazy about it, and the babies of course 🙂

He had a charm of his, I feel responsible for the family, we have everything we need, but our face so that we do not give us everything we want, and we tell him he’s scared. My father was so old, because he made us old, because Mom said he was going with my grandfather to the market. 🙂

At college school I was telling myself if I came with my granddaughter because my dad does not seem. These are just a few jokes with Dad. Of course, my father was so ugly that my mom did not miss him, lucky to dress well.

If your father feels like you when you were a kid, we invite you to write and send us the best jungle!
It’s not always good to make a diary with your dad because there’s a lack of respect, but a good laugh for both of you does not hurt. I remember when we do a joker with my dad and he laughs well, and when something does not fit him or my ear. He told me: Do you want to reward my father for this joke? Come to eat!

When you want to spend a special day with your dad, start by telling a joker, you will both invest immediately and have a nice time together.
If you want to read joker with dad or other jokes we invite you to follow us.