Road police at the scene of the accident explain in a TV interview about the importance of carrying the seat belt:
– Look at this man who did not wear the belt: his head torn, his intestines on the windshield, his eyes in the tree, and he lost his hands. Instead, look at the one who wore the belt: looks so alive and well.
I was visiting my wife at the hospital. Before I went into the salon, I asked the doctor:
– What is her condition, any change?
“I’m afraid he does not look good,” said the doctor.
– Dear mom, I want to get married to my best fried
– Great, but he doesn’t have black hair, black eyes, and a lot of money
– No, he only has good money
Best dark humor jokes
A guy goes to a doctor:
– I do not know, Doctor, what I have: my liver hurts, my back hurts, my heart hurts.
The doctor makes his analyzes and tells him:
– I’m sorry you got cancer and in three months, you’re going to die.
Leave the upset guy and meet a friend at the subway. He tells him about a doctor visit that he is ill with sickness and will die within three months. The friend leaves quickly, forgetting to take his hand. In the bus station, he meets another and the same story. He gets his story to the doctor and calls him to him:
– All right, sir, what are they talking about? I told you clearly that you would die of cancer in three months and you tell everyone that you will die of HIV?
– I know what doctors do, I’m pretty upset! What you want me to do?! Let everybody sleep with my wife?
The redneck virgin.
Funny dark humor jokes
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the Jaw.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a PC or a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
A black guy and a Mexican man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The cop.
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Seven was black.
Alien vs. Predator.
How do you make a baby float?
Two scoops, baby, one scoop ice-cream.
What do you think about the Dark Tour movie?
You don’t see it?
Me neither
Dark humor jokes, which you probably didn’t know
There are many dark humor jokes, and there are many who prefer them. Moreover, they put their imagination to the test and they also manage to create a few. You probably like those dark humor jokes, so we have some for you, which you certainly didn’t know.
1.I: What’s red and sitting in the corner?
A: A baby left alone at home and licking a razor blade.
2.I: What is greenish-red and is in the corner?
A: The same baby, three weeks later…
“See what happened to me,” John tells his friend. I was at the vigil of an acquaintance last night, and I ask the host:
– Don’t be upset, can you tell me the WiFi password too? This one looked at me for a long time and said:
– Respect the dead!
– OK thank you very much. One last question: is it written with a large R?
Just as the coffin is lowered into the pit at a grandmother’s funeral, a wreath that was not well attached begins to slip and fall after the coffin.
Another old woman hurries to catch her and a young man can be heard from behind:
– What are you doing mom, do you want to catch the bouquet?
I went to visit my wife in the hospital. Before entering the salon, I asked the doctor:
– How’s the doctor, any change?
“I’m afraid it doesn’t look good,” the doctor whispered, looking around embarrassed.
– Aaaa, no problem, don’t be afraid, doctor, I told him. Ever since I took her, she’s been ugly…
– What would Michael Jackson do now if he were alive?
– He would make a big hole to get out of the coffin to read what dark humor jokes are made about him.
A guy in a bar reveals himself to his colleague by the glass: It cost me 10,000 Euros when my wife was kidnapped. I’m not sorry, though. It was a great party!
A patient tells the doctor:
– I’ve been to a few doctors, and none agree with your diagnosis.
To which the doctor replied maliciously:
– OK, we’ll wait for the autopsy, and then we’ll see who said the best dark humor jokes…
– Doctor, I want to thank you for the prescribed medicine.
– It helped you, I see, didn’t it? How much did you get from it, how many bottles?
– None. My uncle drank one and inherited a beautiful house, answers his nephew candidly, probably a big fan of dark humor jokes.
In the plane, after the engines stopped at an altitude of 10,000 meters, the calm voice of the pilot can be heard in the speakers:
– Dear passengers, please stay in your seats to facilitate identification … Thank you for your understanding!
Some babes, the tail is the relic. One of them, more bored, comes up with a proposal:
-Listen to the girls… Rather than sitting in this queue, we better kiss each other and go home!
Two babes are talking in front of the block:
– You heard, yesterday, a child from the neighboring block found a grenade on the road.
– Yeah … It sounded great!
Ended a race.
Why a dark man have white hands?
His lawnmower.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A ripoff.
Short Dark Humor Jokes
Her boner.
The Soccer Team.
Must be more than 3 reasons my bedroom is still dark.
You can’t unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.
With a Blender.
With Chips
What’s the best thing ever?
Throwing a dead baby off a roof.
What’s better than that?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What’s the grossest thing ever?
A bag is full of dead babies.
What’s grosser than that?
One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Girls are like blackjack…
Why do white people own so many pets?
Because they’re not allowed to own people anymore.
What do you call a child that has down syndrome?
Petard
Dark humor sense jokes
Gloves! JK, he still hasn’t opened his present.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A ripoff.
I can’t see the problem calling an Australian and Aussie, a Pakistani a Paki a Scotsman ascot.
Or a French man a cunt.
Why won’t Monica Lewinsky vote for Bush?
Because he loves him also
What do you call a white man marrying the woman of his dreams?
Incest.
Dark humor jokes are not to everyone’s liking and not everyone loves these jokes. On the Internet are quite a lot of jokes full of dark humor. Lovers of dark humor jokes are in a large number.
Dark humor jokes can not be said anytime and anyway. Saying such jokes risking to upset certain people and even upset your friends around you.
The best black humor jokes
Without a doubt, the ordinary novel is a joke type, which does not miss any opportunity to make a little trouble. Thus appeared the dark humor, which quickly became the favorite of many. Almost everyone knows at least a few dark humor jokes, which are easy to remember, especially because they are quite short. We also selected some dark humor jokes, which you certainly did not know. Or at least some of them.
The accused defends himself at the High Court: I am innocent. As president of the Blind Society, I was accused of spending a lot of money absolutely useless. So, to prove to them that I was not right, we organized a magnificent fireworks display.
-What does a deaf-mute do when talking to him, a fly enters his eye?
– He doesn’t hear you anymore
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, your fingers eat them at the evening meal.
Talk between two girls about the Halloween party.
– Girl, do I have to do something for the Halloween party?
– No, girl! Just don’t forget to drop your makeup before you come to the party.
– Where do the mummies go swimming?
-In the Dead Sea.
– How do the monsters find out about the future?
– I read the HORRORscope every day.
Dark humor in a few words
– My son, what would my ears hear? Did you get into a pop band?
– Yes. It was an old car, and they didn’t hold my brakes.
-Dear, I must admit that I am pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think our son could go that far.
-Yes, this new catapult is amazing. Go and get your daughter!
A young man, timider in his own way, takes courage and invites a young woman to dance.
– Miss, can you?
– Of course, no problem, but first dance.
– Waiter, do you serve dumplings in this restaurant?
– Dear sir, we serve anyone! Take a seat!
Dark jokes easy to tell to your friends
Choose wisely the time, place, and people you want to share with these jokes. These are extremely funny, but it has to be said at the right time.
If you like reading jokes full of dark humor, Jokes For Funny will find the best jokes we invite you to share with your friends! Dark humor is a special class of humor and is very used to describe or respond to situations where there is no apparent solution.
Individuals use instinct for such jokes when they encounter traumatic or stressful situations. Even in situations where our lives are put into play, we appeal to dark humor jokes to relax the atmosphere. However, for others, such jokes may not be fun.
Dark humor jokes are the result of experiences the people we have and we ironize through them.
One very interesting thing is that, according to a new study, published in Cognitive Processing magazine, there is a strong correlation between intelligence and so-called dark humor.
Dark humor jokes have been associated very often with people who have melancholy. The study highlights a surprising thing. People who laugh at dark humor jokes are more IQ than average and have a low chance of aggression or negative states. The study highlighted the fact that these people are generally more educated than the average.
Dark humor is considered to be a complex form of humor. So do not worry if a chick gets a macabre joke – that does not mean you’re a bad person, but just a little smarter than the average.
Get out of the comfort zone and try to read some dark humor jokes and forget about your prejudices.
John and Mary on the night of the wedding
Mary: John, did you come in?
John: Yes.
Mary: Then, Aahh!
A wolf was feeding on a sheep. At one point, it stopped. Why?
Because he had no worries.
For Easter, Santa comes down the stairs of a block and meets the rabbit who climbs:
– Do not do the trick to talk to the baba on the second floor!
The blind tells the deaf that the silent saw a gimp running after a Chel to pull his hair.
One day he was floating on the Atlantic, with a frosty smile on his face, an iceberg trying to sink the Titanic. However, after a while, the iceberg began to sweat so hard, it had fallen and smiled. What had happened? Titanic had given him fear. He had taken her to the Tropic.
– What should you do to a hippopotamus who has diarrhea?
– Place!
A bridesmaid tells the bridesmaid:
– You are dear to me!
She tells him:
– You love me too!
And they took the hand and they took the hand and they took the hand…
Two little girls in the cemetery were burying the graves of the newlywed. One of them asks:
– How much do you have, dear?
– 75. But what about you?
– 85.
– Aha, and you go home?!?
– What is small, black and with two white dots?
– A flax with wool in the ears.
Last night I was with my wife talking about euthanasia. I told her never to let me stay in a vegetative state, be dependent on a car, and be fed with liquids. If I am ever in such a state, please unplug all the appliances that keep me alive. And then she got up, turned off the TV and the computer and threw me my beer.
Why not run the snail? Don’t let his eyes flutter.
A vulture flies with an old man in its beak, and at one point, Santa says, “Vulture, admit you got lost on the way home.”
After 5 seconds, the poplar falls from the eagle’s beak.
Hydrogen and Oxygen were met. It seems that their meeting resulted in water.
What is black and has 4 legs? A desk.
Two friends talk on a terrace: I heard you joined a band of a rocker! Well, yes, I couldn’t put the brakes on.
What’s the difference between a truck full of dead men and a truck full of nuts? The truck with dead men can be unloaded with a fork. The one full of nuts cannot be unloaded with a fork.
When the Hungarians cross the crosswalk, they look to the left, to the right, then up.