Hilarious jokes

Hans tell to Marlin

– My dear friend, how we can have a fun time today?
– Yes, let’s go to pool.
When they arrive their, jump immediately in the water and start to throw water on each other. A girl with the name.
S.Hans, a romantic guy, start a discussion with her about what she like to do.
Marlin, is a jealous and throw water on them.
Hans and Sandra get to know each other, so Hans invite her to go out of the pool, they hold hands under the Marlin eyes.
In short time Hans kiss Sandra on the cheek. Marlin go out of the pool and prepare to leave the place
So, the Hans and Sandra go to Marlin and tell him that was a joke and they know from the school and they want to see his face jealous

Marlin admit this hilarious joke and leave the place
Hand and Sandra continue to discuss about their passions

A hilarious joke is just a high degree of humor.

This evening I dreamed of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints we found in the cat litter box this morning.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a cow?
I have no idea, but I wouldn’t try to milk it.

“I wasn’t so drunk yesterday.” “Dude, you took your shower head in your arms and told him to stop crying.”

How can you tell that you have a terrible case of acne?
When the blind try to read your face.

Of course, I should clean my windows. But privacy is also important.

The boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That potato has to go in front.

Sometimes it is essential if a sentence has been said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole package of tissues during that wonderful movie yesterday!”

Two elephants encounter a totally empty type. After a while, one elephant tells the other, “I really can’t feed that thing!”

I just got a picture of a quick camera in the mail. I sent it back – far too expensive and of terrible quality.

When my wife starts singing, I always go out and do garden work so our neighbors can see that there is no violence in the family.

The husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife: “She cried home. Isn’t he sick or something? ”
“No,” the wife replies, “he was just trying to tell you he is not our Frankie.”

8 in the evening. I get an SMS from my friend: Me or football ?!
11 p.m. I am sending my friend an SMS: Of course.

At a nightclub:
He: “Where, what does a pretty girl like you do in a lonely corner?”
She: “I had to do it.”

Two policemen crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, this will be the fastest I have ever reached the accident site.”

Wait for me, dear, I’m just finishing my makeup.
You don’t need makeup, Jane.

Oh, Richard … really? That’s so sweet!
You need plastic surgery.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, it looks exactly like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the subject, please?

Smile, and the world are smiling with you. Fart and the world suddenly stop smiling.

Pessimistic: “Things just can’t get worse!”
Optimist: “Nah, of course, I can!”

A nice old woman on a bus gives the driver some peanuts. He is happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she doesn’t have herself.
“Oh, young man,” she says, “they are too hard on the poor teeth, I couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you buy them at all?” Asks the driver.
“You see, I just like the chocolate they are covered in!”

A snowshoe smells: “Hm, funny, I smell carrots …”

A mother shark teaches her son how to properly hunt swimmers.
“So first you go and circle them, making sure your end looks. And then you go to their hands full and eat them. ”
“Okay, but why don’t I go to them in full blast and eat them right away?”
– I guess you could, son, but would you like to eat all their in their gut?

Mom, I’m already 14, can’t I finally get a bra ?!
NO, Harold!

Two men discuss their lives. One says: “I am getting married. I get sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and clothes. The other says, “Hey, I got divorced for the same reasons. ”

A man hired a lawyer when he was sued by his company for misappropriation of millions. At the beginning of the trial, the lawyer reassured him: “Don’t worry, you will never go to jail with this money.”
And the lawyer was right. Finally, when the man went to jail, he had no money left.

Two riddles meet. The first one says: “We will have a warm summer again.” The second sigh happily: “Yes, it reminds me of the summer of 2092 …”

The astronaut’s last words: OMG guys, who’s gone? I have to open the window.

What is the favorite day of the state official?
Tuesday. There’s no point in starting something new, long before the weekend.

– Mother, is it true that I was brought by a stew?
“Yes, darling, it is!”
“Oh, so your dad is powerless?”

Yo Mama it’s so fat that he can’t enter in my house

My brother went to jail. She didn’t take it very well. He yelled insults and
attacking everyone. He even threw his feces on the wall. I don’t think we’ll play Monopoly with him anymore.

One evening, a burglar wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and slammed a gun into his ribs. “Give me your money,” he asked. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US parliamentarian!” In this case, the thief smiled, “Give me my money!”

You are so hot that the windows in the bar have steamed.

I know that milk has many benefits and helps the body look good, but my dear, how much milk did you drink?

Usually, I do not meet the models so beautiful, but this is not the problem. Look at my phone!

You are like a tough shell, but the pearl inside is worth every effort.

Hey … is it hot here? I ask because I feel like I’m melting after you.

If you agreed to be a part of my life, you would brighten my future!

I know you want to be alone on this bank, but I would also like to sit on this bank by yourself.

Don’t be upset, but I miss my lips extraordinarily and I would like to kiss them to heal!

You’re such a hot woman that my beer was hot!

Your heart seems lonely and sad, and mine is the same. Do you want to unite sadness and loneliness?

Did the sunrise in the sky, or is it just your smile that illuminates?

You’re so hot that you burned my retina. I see you whenever I blink.

I only have one day to live … please don’t let me die a virgin!