Stupid jokes

A man tell to a barman:

• Give me a beer…
• With alcohol or with not? Blonde or Black? With spices or with lemon?
• Yes, with everything!

A teacher tell to a student:

• What we prepared for today?
• My present

A lion tell to a deer?

• I gone eat you today!
• First, you have to catch me

It was evening and Jessica had to take a bath, but she did not want to. Her father asks her:

-Although, why do not you want to have a bath?

– Because water is wet.

– You know how do you leave a fool waiting?

– Not.

– I’ll tell you tomorrow.

In a store, there is an obese lady:

– I’d like to see a swimsuit that would come to me …

Seller:

– And I …

The husband enters the bed and whispers to his wife in his ear: “I am without panties.”

Wife: Let me be on you this night

Adam and Eve walk through Paradise.

Eva: – Adam, do you love me?

Adam: “Do I have an alternative?”

A guy at the library:

– Be nice, I want a book about suicides!

– Get out of here, you do not bring it back !!

Discussion between two spouses:

– Honey, why do you go out on the balcony every time you can not? – ask your wife.

“To see the neighbors do not hurt you,” replies the husband.

A man was walking down the street with a bag in his hand. Suddenly he stops the curb and falls over the bag:

– My eggs are gone.

A grandmother asks him:

– Aoleo … did you have eggs in the bag?

– No, nails!

Two friends:

– Honey, you say, is not this terrible life? Whenever I get a good man, I find he’s either married or I’m married

The barber asks the client:

– How do you cut off to be happy?

– Free!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mirror?

A blonde is getting wet faster.

A blonde gets to work, crying in a roar. The boss asks her what she has been worried about:

“This morning, I got the phone, and I found out my mom died.” The boss consoles her:

“Why do not you go home today to rest?” And so we do not have much work. “Blonde refuses to say that she works better to forget the trouble.” After two hours, the boss walks past her office and hears her crying and louder.

“What has happened?” she asks. To which she replies:

“My sister just called and told me that her mother died too.”

A blonde goes on the street in a car and takes the countersigns. A policeman stops her and asks:

– Do you know why we stopped you?

Which blonde says:

– Clearly, you want to come out with me at a meeting!

“A blonde has lost a ring.

A policeman asks:

– What are you looking for?

– I lost my gold ring.

– You lost him here?

– No, on the other side.

– Why are you looking for him here?

– Because here’s the light. ”

Question: How do you sit four blondes on a chair?

Answer: Turn the chair upside down.

One day a man comes home, tired. Find all the doors open, the windows open. He entered the house, in the middle of the room, who was staying? Merluccius fish.

– Merluccius fish, did you come?

– Yes, I came.

– And, what are you going to do, Fish Merlucius?

– I’m going to go.

A woman arrives at the neighborhood store with 10 minutes to close.

– Good evening, do you have hens?

The bored and tired seller removes the only hen from the refrigerated box. Put it on the scales: 1,120 kg.

– Do you stay?

– You don’t have a bigger one?

That nervously puts the hen in the crate, and having no other, that bag still pulls it out. Put it on the scale and keep your finger pressed:

– 1,650 kg.

– Perfect, I want both of them!

Today was a sad day. I had to disconnect my grandmother from the appliances. I really needed that socket to charge my phone.

The bride, because she was in excellent relations with the girls present at the wedding, before throwing the bouquet, hid a brick there.

Like at the wedding, you should always go to your friends’ funerals because otherwise, they will not come to your funeral.

Parents quarrel with their child and punish him for taking note 4 in geography.

– My wife, we argued this kid didn’t know where Morocco is, but do we know?

– We don’t know, but it can’t be far. I have one from Morocco at work, and he comes by bicycle.

Do you know how to leave a fool waiting?

– Not.

– I’ll tell you tomorrow.

– What’s the difference between a red and a cat?

– The red is red, and with the cat, you can’t beat nails.

Two friends are talking about:

-How are you?

– Look, he left me the wife for my best friend.

– I thought I was your best friend …

– Now he is …