Diet jokes

After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.

 

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

 

It’s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing.

 

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…it’s called “I’m hungry.”

 

DIET translated means Did I Eat That?

 

Food has never made me fat, but scales always do.

 

I’m a light eater. As soon as the light goes on, I start eating.

 

I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to dieting. Every time I start eating diet foods, I get sick of ‘em.

 

I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?

 

I’ve tried a diet many time, but keep failing each time I’m supposed to eat.

 

Dieting isn’t a piece of cake.

 

Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.

 

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

 

I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.

 

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

 

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

 

The Garlic Diet: You don’t lose weight; you just look thinner from a distance.

 

I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 9 cookies.

 

Welcome to the Weight-Loss Forum.

To lose one pound, double-click the mouse five million times.

I gave up jogging for health reasons.
My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Don’t forget. You are what you eat….
I need to eat a skinny person.

I’m on a seafood diet. Every food I see, I eat.

 

Ladies – Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of your purse.

 

What’s your favorite exercise?
Chewing.

 

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat, not blood.

 

Calories (noun)
Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

 

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

 

“Your order please.”
“3 hamburgers, 9 chicken nuggets and the XXL fries.”
“And a diet coke.”

 

Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone.

 

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

Jokes about diet

There are many people that tried at least once to keep a diet in order to lose some weight. They gave up to their favorite food, they changed the quantity, what they eat and when they eat. Many of us realized that even though diets are good for health, it’s not easy to keep one. If you want help in order to resist your diet, why don’t you try some diet jokes?

  • Mimi, what diet is now in trend in order to lose some weight?

‘A very efficient one, Lily: 40 Tik-Tak tablets for breakfast, 50 for lunch and 60 for dinner. The weight is constant and you have a fresh breath.’

  • Two women talk to each other. One of them says that the doctor recommended her to ride a horse daily in order to lose weight. The other one asks her what are the results. She answers ‘Well, the horse has already lost some weight.’
  • It is said that 2000 calories are burned during sex. That’s why so many men lost weight after they got married.
  • Two friends talk to each other. One of them asks the other ‘How did your wife succeeded in losing so much weight?’. The man answered that he bought her clothes that she didn’t even dreamed of, only 2 sizes smaller.
  • What do fat women tell about themselves? That they love their skinny legs, their tiny waist but that they hate all the fat that hides everything.