My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters… But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk”.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that…
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
Introducing myself to new boyfriends parents: “Hi, I usually don’t make it this far.”
My love for you is like dividing by zero – it cannot be defined.
I like Jesus but he loves me, so it’s awkward.
Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?
Love is not the number of times you kissed her, but the number of moments you were dying to kiss her.
My parents won’t say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.
We come to love not by finding a perfect person… but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
“Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?”
Never laugh at your girlfriends choices… your one of them.
Love’s a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.
I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
You give me Epsilon, I give you Delta. Together, we find limits.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Beauty is only skin deep …but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
My boyfriend said he didn’t have a date that same day I caught him eating one.
I’m sorry I wasn’t part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?