Science jokes

  1. Q: How do astronomers organize a party?

A: They planet.


2. Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?

A: Because they make up everything.


3. I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can’t put it down.


4. What do clouds do when they become rich? They make it rain!


5. Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2: Are you sure?

Molecule 1: I’m positive.


6. Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?

A: Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.


7. Q: Why are atoms Catholic?

A: Because they have mass.


8. A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, “Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?” The photon says, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”


9. Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?

A: “You think you’re always right!”


10. Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, “Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal.”


11. When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they’re trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.


12. Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, “Hey, grab that electron, it’s mine!” “How do you know?” asks the second. “‘Cause I’m positive!” the first replies.


13. Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings? Because they’re all fake.


14. Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. “I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese.” Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. “I’ll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first.” Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. “What were those things, anyway?” he asks.


15. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. The first says to the second, “I think I’ve lost an electron.” The second replies, “Are you sure?” to which the first retorts, “Yes, I’m positive.”