Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M’s because let’s be honest here.
I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
When I get a dog I’m going to name him five miles so I can say I walk five miles every day.
What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing.
Did you hear they banned fans from doing “The Wave” at all sports events? Too many blondes were drowning.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport? Stable Tennis.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
Why do soccer players do so well in math? They know how to use their heads!
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.
Why are badminton players so loud? Because they are always making a racket!
If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
What did the shuttlecock say when it got hit? Who’s making all the racquet?
Why was the baseball player a bad sport? He stole third base and then went home!
Why can’t you play badminton in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs.
My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? In the pitcher!
Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs for ball boys.
I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven; you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
Why did the volleyball player cross the road? There are players on the other side.
I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, “I wear two pants when’s I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.